i am incredibly lonely.

its been a very strong theme recurring in my life.

its memorial day. i have a full plate -- need to study, need to work, have night clinic.

but i don't have not one friend today. no one has invited me to barbecue, to celebrate, to relax. i've been here two years. what is wrong with me? s is invited to multiple things every weekend. he says people are intimidated, that wives and girlfriends don't want me to places. but that can't be all of it. there are lots of people who have the same, many more, qualities as me. i know i can be awkward, but i don't think people see that as much as its there. i'm not difficult. i smile. i'm pleasant. i really don't understand. i haven't been to a party in over a year. its embarrassing, this problem. embarrassing to know, embarrassing to admit. not something you can complain about out loud.

i have a home full of plants and animals, which i do actually love. i believe i bring a lot to the table. i am a good friend. i am loveable.

why am i so lonely?